fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
