clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
