Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.