Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.