hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.