Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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