I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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