Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
