The maid of honor just puked.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
