I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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