Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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