They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
