Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
