Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
