I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
