May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He shit in the fireplace
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