Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
