Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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