dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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