doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
