I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
