I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
