I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
