Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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