How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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