I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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