"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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