he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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