If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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