Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life