just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!