No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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