She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need to calm my uterus...