I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
