There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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