I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.