made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
