3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday