I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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