I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
