the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
