The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
