I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
