i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
