Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
