Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You took a bar mat shot.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
