Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
