She went from zero to smokin in five shots
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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