I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
