You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
