if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize