He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
