Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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