We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Even my vagina gasped.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
