We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
