Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
