Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
