I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
