I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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