Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
