Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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