Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
