I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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