I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
