I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
