hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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