i barfeds in our rink
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
