Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
