she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Fuck appropriateness.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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