Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
