You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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