You smell like stripper and shame
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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