Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
