Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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