ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
