I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
