You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
