A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize