If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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