I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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