We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
