so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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