This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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