he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
