What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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