worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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