Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
