I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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