Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
